Day 2 Part 2

I thought that Day 2's entry was over and done with but alas, I was wrong.

One thing that I realized, thanks to my former partner was that as I click on "Publish Post" at the bottom, it automatically updates my Multiply Blog...so more and more people are now aware of my current state. As Nat told me earlier this afternoon, "Don't melt down in public! Don't melt down in public!". Thanks Nat.

I had a really long talk with my boss earlier this morning which put a new spin on things. Though I was trying hard not to look it, people around me were starting to see it. They had a feeling that all the things I were feeling physically were all psycho-somatic and that my active imagination and all the emotional and physical stress I've been putting myself under has finally taken its toll.

I never imagined how lost I was before talking to her. I honestly don't know what it is I can do, or have to do to fix things. But crying to her helped a lot actually. Though I'm still lost...I know that people aren't abandoning me as I originally thought. I know that there are friends there to send me inspirational music, type lyrics over YM, tell me about how they stole their neighbor's running magazine (yes, stole) and how they plan on giving it back, and so on and so forth.

Looking back, I know that people out there really care about me. Having an old blockmate in the Middle East track down a good therapist for me, or having a good friend in BBDO Singapore give me a pep-talk over ym for an hour telling me how I should take a month off from work and go to Thailand and flirt with girls there...and how she was willing to email the higher ups in the office to let me go on such a long leave. Or, how about having a friend I've only spoken to verbally once or twice help me out by sharing with me her therapy stories and how sometimes, putting a psychiatrist's office next to pediatrics was a bad idea. Or how another friend gave me the inspiration to make something out of what I was doing by writing. (Plug: "Ballet de Minuit" to be out soon)

But one thing that caught my attention today was how a friend of mine applauded what I was doing. By sharing with the world my experiences and what I'm going through so that in the future, if someone was feeling the way I am now, they'd see what I went through and would know what to do or what not to do. She said that she was honored to be my friend and that what I was doing, the commitment as well as the insight that I'm putting into this was extraordinary.

Even my mom called me up and asked me how I was feeling and she finally somewhat understood what I was going through and told me that she was there if I needed anyone to talk to.

Looking at all these people, looking at all they've done for me, doing for me...and I see that I am worth something. With all these friends and family gathering around creating a safety net, rather than being a marathon running by myself, I'm now climbing a mountain face, and if I slip and fall, someone's there willing to catch me and help me back up. (Thanks guys)

Though, on a normal basis, all these people expecting me to get better would give me added pressure, it's more of they're lending me their strength that though they can't do anything tangible, etc. they're willing to lend me their strength so that I can carry on and go through this quest of mine.

Standing on the edge, I look down not in despair but rather in hope, that I have faith in myself that I can go on, that I can do this...if not for myself, but for everyone waiting for me on the other side.

Thank you, and goodnight.