It’s been a month already. It’s been a month since the hospital, a month since all the realizations, the crying, and the cursing.
It’s been a month of all these rants…which initially should’ve been a daily entry kinda thing…became a once-a-week kinda thing.
And, here goes…
As I write this entry, I’m sitting on my bed listening to an orchestra of cellists & violinists, I look back at the past month and try and see how much I’ve changed…If I even changed.
I re-read all my past entries trying to see things from a different perspective…trying to remember what drove me to write the earlier ones. And one thing I realized was that…I’m at peace. I’m not mad anymore…I’m not distraught. Not a squall of emotions waiting to blow up at any time. I’m at peace.
Since I started taking things into my own hands…I started re-realizing things about me. The past month, I’ve been seeing more old friends. The past month, I’ve been hanging out with people I haven’t seen for 2 years or more. The past month, I’ve slowly started letting go of my baggage one by one. I’ve started meeting new friends and hanging out with them. And so on and so forth.
Last Saturday…I finally met up with my college best friend after over 2 years of no talking or seeing each other. And to be honest…I felt really bad for not contacting him earlier. Looking back at things now, I was a big idiot for letting things get the way they were between us. After finishing a pack of cigarettes between us and talking for a good one hour felt nice.
Looking back at the month that went by I see that I have changed…though not drastically…I feel that I’ve slowly started fixing myself and the changes are showing. Though…there are things that I wish were different now and that there were things I regretted doing to get to this point but…I can’t give up now. I have to go on.
Though, I have changed…I’ve changed only a little bit. There are still a lot of things I have to fix, still a lot of loose ends that I have to tie up. I still have a long long way to go, but I found my momentum and found my strength…no, not from someone else…but from within me.
And…this is gonna go really cheesy now…but those of you who know how I used to write…know that I have to tie in something somewhere. And now, It’s a song from the Transformers Movie OST (not the live action, the REAL movie with Hot Rod, et al.) called “Dare”.
Sometimes when your hopes have all been shattered
And there's nowhere to turn
You wonder how you keep going
Think of all the things that really mattered
And the chances you've earned
The fire in your heart is growing
You can fly, if you try leaving the past behind
Heaven only knows what you might find
Dare - dare to believe you can survive
You hold the future in your hand
Dare - dare to keep all of your dreams alive
It's time to take a stand
And you can win, if you dare
Everybody's trying to break your spirit
Keeping you down
Seems like it's been forever
But there's another voice if you'll just hear it
Saying it's the last round
Looks like it's now or never
Out of the darkness you stumble into the light
Fighting for the things you know are right
Dare - dare to believe you can survive
The power is there at your command
Dare - dare to keep all of your dreams alive
It's time to take a stand
And you can win, if you dare
Dare - dare to believe you can survive
You hold the future in your hand
Dare - dare to keep all of your dreams alive
The power is there at your command
Dare - dare to keep all your love alive
Dare to be all you can be
Dare - 'cause there is a place where dreams survive
And it's calling you on to victory
So, there it is. Dare to believe you can survive. You hold the future in your hand. Dare, dare to keep all your dreams alive. It’s time to make a stand because you can fly if you try leaving the past behind.
Dare.
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